PRYING WITH JOHN ROBERTS & LINDA SIMPSON

The two Summer buds dish and reminisce about their first clubs, biggest influences and how things change in comedy and in the city. Linda, the downtown queen turned photo-documentarian, thinks the two met at The Cock, where she booked John for her party Slurp. John remembers Linda from late night cable access. The pair have always been destined to be true buds.

SIMPSON: John…

ROBERTS: Linda…

SIMPSON: First question: if you smoke weed on a boat, does that make it “seaweed”?

ROBERTS: No, it makes it—um, fun.

SIMPSON: All right. Well, I don't…

ROBERTS: I know. I dropped the ball. It makes it “seaweed” because when you see it… it's… who cares?

SIMPSON: Right. Okay, so, John, where are you calling from right now?

ROBERTS: Brooklyn, New York! 

SIMPSON: Now you're born and bred in Jersey though, right?

ROBERTS: We got out of Brooklyn when I was born. I do love New Jersey. We grew up there but my parents are from Brooklyn. We were the freaks from Jersey.

SIMPSON: And did you always have a desire to get back into the city when you were living in Jersey?

ROBERTS: Well, funny thing is Linda, my parents divorced when I was just a year old. It was most likely my fault. Basically, my dad lived up on the Upper East Side so I have been coming to the city since I was a baby. 

SIMPSON: Did you go to college?

ROBERTS: Yeah, I went to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. 

SIMPSON: In New York City.

ROBERTS: Yes. And you could replace “arts” with “farts,” if you want. ‘Cause it's kind of funnier that way.

SIMPSON: And did you have an apartment in New York at that point?

ROBERTS: Yes, Linda. I was 17 years old paying my own rent. Actually, at first I lived at The 92nd Street Y for like three months because I really wanted to come into the city and live on my own—and all my friends went to college and I was like, oh, it'll be like a dorm, which it kind of was.

SIMPSON: I actually lived at The 34th Street Y, which no longer exists.

ROBERTS: But did you have to wear shower shoes?

SIMPSON: Oh, I don't know if those were in vogue at the time.

ROBERTS: But the shower shoes you wore so you wouldn't get athlete's foot and I'm pretty sure athlete's foot wasn't in vogue.

SIMPSON: I don't even remember taking showers.

ROBERTS: That’s disgusting. 

SIMPSON: I mean, I probably blocked it out. It was not my type of living experience.

ROBERTS: I actually ended up in an apartment across the street from the academy with my friends on 30th and Madison and that's when the party really started. I was inching closer to downtown. All I knew was the Upper East Side. I was like, I don't belong up here.

SIMPSON: Were you getting involved with nightlife and going out a lot?

ROBERTS: Yeah. We would go to Limelight and The Building 

SIMPSON: Oh, my god, The Building. 

ROBERTS: And Mars and, um, Palladium and all the good places. The Tunnel. All the good spots. 

SIMPSON: Did you go to Roxy?

ROBERTS: Roxy? Sure, sure…

SIMPSON: I used to do parties at The Building. That was my first, like, major nightclub.

ROBERTS: I mean, I was 17 getting into these clubs. I loved it. I remember you, Linda, from Manhattan cable because I would, you know, stay up late and watch all that. 

SIMPSON: Yeah! I was doing, a public access TV show at that point. I mean, I was the co-host of it. It was called “Party Talk.”

ROBERTS: I just wanted to get to the dirty stuff.

SIMPSON: It wasn't that dirty…

ROBERTS: Well, you guys, you guys didn't do dirty stuff.

SIMPSON: On public access, there was a lot of X-rated stuff like Robin Byrd, of course.

ROBERTS: Right. And all those cool commercials, the piss one…

SIMPSON: *laughs* That’s hysterical. They would actually be fun to see now. We were probably in the same room though, at some of those nightclubs.

ROBERTS: I imagine so, Linda. 

SIMPSON: But I think John, that we probably met at The Cock nightclub in its previous location on 2nd Avenue and 2nd Street when I was hosting my party Slurp.

ROBERTS: That was a really fun party.

SIMPSON: You even performed!

ROBERTS: Did I? I don’t even remember. 

SIMPSON: You sang! Yeah, you did music. 

ROBERTS: I vaguely remember being on a stage there and it being very dark with just like a little bit of light. 

SIMPSON: You actually told me you weren’t feeling that well.

ROBERTS: Jesus, I must have flopped.

SIMPSON: No, no. I gave you props, you know, the show must go on!

ROBERTS: So you forced me to perform.

SIMPSON: *laughs* No! It was your own, of course, volition...and then weren’t you in a comedy troupe at that point too?

ROBERTS: Yeah. I was in a comedy troupe. We would do stuff at Starlight Lounge and it was me and Mike Albo and my friend Sandra Beleo, Michelle Brilliant and Gina Vitro. It was great. We would have a lot of fun.

SIMPSON: That was a great little space.

ROBERTS: It was a great space where you could kind of like, you know, DJ yourself and there'd be like 30, 40 people there in the audience. It was really fun. 

SIMPSON: And it had a proper stage. Around that time Sandra had that viral hit, that kind of like faux patriotic song that she did…

ROBERTS: Sandra! Yeah! I wrote that with her. 

SIMPSON: But what was that called?

ROBERTS: Uh, I totally forget. It was like a fake song, like wanting you to, ya know, do the troops…

SIMPSON: But it was very sweet at the same time and it was actually a good song too. And then it became a really big viral sensation.

ROBERTS: Yeah, and “The Tree” too. And “Jackie and Deborah.” That's all stuff that I performed at Starlight Lounge. John and all those guys, they let me perform there ‘cause I was really shy and I had no idea where to start performing and that they gave me that venue, which was like the perfect place there. 

SIMPSON: John, who were some of your queer influences then?

ROBERTS: Well, Stanley Love was, you know, he was a big friend. 

SIMPSON: No, Stanley Love, of course, was incredible; the choreographer and dancer. But, yeah, I'm talking about even more well-known than Stanley, even though of course Stanley had that influence.

ROBERTS: Well, I mean, musically, it was a lot of electronic stuff. I guess in the nineties, there were all these great bands happening, like Portishead and Tricky. I always loved Prince and Madonna, Blondie. Once I got to the East Village, it was more about the drag queens and people that I knew a little bit more downtown. Comedy, like I loved SCTV, SNL, all that kind of stuff. Kids in the Hall. I loved Pee-wee Herman so much. Musically, a lot of dance music and downtown house music.

SIMPSON: I’m actually impressed when you post on social media because you know a lot of old R&B and disco songs too.

ROBERTS: That's really my favorite. Bands like SOS Band or D Train. Just that kind of stuff from the roller rink, back in the day. That sticks with you, that music.

SIMPSON: Were you also really big into films and TV?

ROBERTS: Yeah, I mean, I loved comedy growing up. It was mostly comedy stuff and stand up comedy. I would perform in the city when I was pretty young.  I took a class at The New School when I was like 16. I remember coming in and it being like a big deal. 

SIMPSON: You were doing stand-up when you were young?

ROBERTS: Yeah, when I was about 15, I started in like the high school talent shows and then I would come and do open mic nights at Stand Up New York on the Upper West Side and at Comic Strip. I got to perform there through my class at New School. It was very cool. Chris Rock and Adam Sandler were there, you know, very young at that time. And then after acting school, I kind of didn't do it at all for a long time.

SIMPSON: Now were you gay at this point? Or, you know what I mean…out?

ROBERTS: That was part of the problem and probably why I stopped performing. I didn't feel like I was comfortable in my own shoes. So, I just kind of went downtown and hung out. I went to places like Squeezebox and CBGBs Gallery, Sugar Babies, you know, a lot of cool downtown either house or rock and roll venues. In the nineties, you had the two kinds of things going on and that, you know, that actually really helped feed my artistic soul a lot and become more of a freak and not so in my head, so straight-minded.

SIMPSON: Had you, come to terms with being gay at an early age?

ROBERTS: Yeah, I'd say, you know, by the time I was 19, which is now probably pretty late. I wrote my mom a letter and that's what I based “My Son is Gay” on. The YouTube video is pretty much based on that experience.

SIMPSON: Is your family Catholic? 

ROBERTS: Well, my mom is. My sister and I don't go to church. My sister does every once in a while, well, she'll put some crosses or something on Facebook, but I don't really see her going.

SIMPSON: My father was a minister, actually. 

ROBERTS: Oh, really tell me more, tell me more.

SIMPSON: I mean, you know, our life revolved around the church, but it wasn't like fire and brimstone.. It was more kind of a liberal denomination. But the thing is, I was very turned off by religion at an early age. I thought I found it to be all very hypocritical. 

ROBERTS: You smelled the horseshit.

SIMPSON: So, you know, this is of course, Buds Digest…

ROBERTS: Butt buds. 

SIMPSON: Oh… okay. So, would you like to share with the audience the first time that you were exposed to pot?

ROBERTS: My friend Colleen came over when my parents weren't home. 

SIMPSON: How old were you? 

ROBERTS: Uh, I'm going to say 15. She had some pot and we had nothing to smoke out of. So she improvised out of a toilet paper roll and some aluminum foil, which is pretty disgusting.

SIMPSON: Had she smoked pot before? 

ROBERTS: Yes. Colleen still smokes pot and we're still very good friends. We both ended up being “class clown,” by the way. Colleen, she's like a lifetime stoner, like a Grateful Dead head. So that was the first time.

SIMPSON: Did you enjoy the experience?

ROBERTS: I did very much.

SIMPSON: Did you have to get rid of the smell because your parents were coming home?

ROBERTS: I think we must have smoked outside, but I'm pretty sure my mom smoked at that time too, but she covered it up really well. 

SIMPSON: Was it a “gateway” for other drugs?

ROBERTS: Well, Linda, I was always a weed and beer kind of guy. I knew those other drugs were too dangerous, although I definitely tried some stuff. It was always weed for me, because I was very creative and I'm still creative when I smoke pot. I am able to be productive with music or, you know, writing comedy is good. I don't like to be stoned when performing comedy, but I have been. *laughs*

SIMPSON: Oh, really? You know, back when I was starting drag, I performed a couple times stoned and I didn’t like it. 

ROBERTS: Your timings may be off, you're too in your head…

SIMPSON: And if you goof something up, you can't just blame it on, you know, just the normal performance, you have to maybe blame it on the pot.

ROBERTS: Yeah, it's better to wait until after the show, Linda. 

SIMPSON: Exactly. It's a little reward, you know? I mean, were you ever doing like, and I don't mean to pry, hallucinogens?

ROBERTS: Ha! Well, definitely the ‘shrooms. In the nineties, there were some raves where, you know, got some of the other stuff, but I preferred mushrooms for sure. Anything else was very speedy and I didn't like it. It felt like you're a little possessed. ‘Shrooms feel like more of a natural, gradual kind of thing.

SIMPSON: Yeah, I did coke plenty, but I really never cared for it. A lot of people are like, “oh, this makes me feel so sexy,” but it just makes me feel kind of on edge, honestly. Do you remember the bar Mr. Black? Yeah? Well, one night, it was raided by the police and they arrested everyone. So, the next week at the party we threw at The Cock, like, half the people were gone. 

ROBERTS: Is that what everyone was at The [former] Cock, a dealer?

SIMPSON: And the thing is, it's good to have dealers at a party. I mean, I hope no cops are reading this, but, ya know, it does attract a crowd. 

ROBERTS: Yeah. You have to be careful. Right now, there's fentanyl found in a lot of the coke. That's what killed Prince and Tom Petty. It's a horrible drug. You have to be careful nowadays a little bit, you know?

SIMPSON: If you could get high with anyone in the world, present or past, who is on your list?

ROBERTS: Hm. James Dean would be good. I’ll get stoned with James Dean. 

SIMPSON: Yeah. That'd be interesting. Why him? 

ROBERTS: Because I imagined him sitting on my face afterwards. Just kidding. He seemed like he was sweet and goofy and fun. You know, or Marlon Brando back in the day. I mean, those are the dead people. Do you want some living people? 

SIMPSON: Yes.

ROBERTS: Um, I would get stoned with…Cher. 

SIMPSON: Cher might be kind of fun. She’d probably be hilarious.

ROBERTS: Yeah. She’d probably just be like *Cher Voice* “I don’t smoke that shit!”

SIMPSON: Are there any world leaders that you would…

ROBERTS: Like Putin? 

SIMPSON: Well, I don't know how much fun that would be. Have you traveled much around the world, John?

ROBERTS: I toured with Margaret Cho a lot. 

SIMPSON: Oh, wow.

ROBERTS: Canada, London, Glasgow…

SIMPSON: All with Margaret? 

ROBERTS: Yeah, it’s a great way to travel. We’ve been across the United States, back and forth to amazing venues. I mean, she's so incredible, Margaret. 

SIMPSON: Did you and Margaret know each other before you started touring with each other?

ROBERTS: You know, it's weird. I reached out to her on Facebook, she came to New York and did a show with me and then asked me to tour with her right after that. We just hit it off really well. And then I did a couple other tours. In Australia, we played the Sydney opera house—and it was like John Cleese and Martin Short and Louie CK. 

SIMPSON: Wow. I've seen her perform before live, she’s hysterical. 

ROBERTS: She’s a total pro. You know, she's like our generation’s Joan Rivers, pretty much. 

SIMPSON: And she's got a really loyal fan base too. 

ROBERTS: She really puts in the work. You're supposed to with stand-up; playing all the clubs, even when you're not feeling it, writing new material and working things out. She’s really great at that. 

SIMPSON: Now on a similar note, what do you think of our cancel culture era? You have to tread lightly sometimes...

ROBERTS: Yeah, you do, I guess. 

SIMPSON: That's one thing I like about drag culture—that it's still permissible to be outrageous and culturally, um, un-PC. However, that being said, even that genre is under siege.

ROBERTS: I think our communities, you know, need a little relief and that's why we have that kind of humor. There's a need for it and there's a context for everything. Just make it funny and make sense, you know, which is hard. Comedy does change and tastes change—people should be given a second chance to evolve. 

SIMPSON: Yes, things that were once considered, you know, very hysterical in comedy are maybe kind of dusty at this point, so I don't want to be the old fart just saying we need to do it like we used to...

ROBERTS: No. You know, then you have Lady Bunny, all those shows like Jackie Beat… You're crying, laughing, and a lot of jokes are inappropriate and stuff, but it's a release, you know?

SIMPSON: It's the kind of comedy too, at least Bunny and Jackie and Bianca, it's usually that they are making fun of themselves. 

ROBERTS: Yeah, always. They're both very smart. Well, maybe not Bunny, but…

SIMPSON: *chuckles* When were you first exposed to drag queens? 

ROBERTS: Well, when I was 17, we would go to this club Edelweiss.

SIMPSON: Edelweiss?? Are you serious?

ROBERTS: *laughs* It was the first place I would get served.

SIMPSON: Edelwiess was like a hardcore, kind of trans prostitute bar. 

ROBERTS: Well, there I was, 17, just drinking with my friends from acting school. 

SIMPSON: I mean, not that it didn't attract some other people, but what a place to go. That's hysterical.

ROBERTS: Bunny was one of my first New York drag Queens. She threw a party called Poop. 

SIMPSON: Yes! That’s right across from where I live now. 

ROBERTS: We would go to Poop and that was always a thrill. Also, Flamingo East in the nineties. You'd have like Lily of the Valley—that was a really beautiful spot. There'd be art and it was very nineties. And I lived right around the corner from there. It was really easy to like, you know— we’d pull out weed right in the club and just smoke.

SIMPSON: Flamingo East was very fine. You're right, very nineties. That was, I think before, you know, Giuliani's administration started clamping down on the clubs…

ROBERTS: Before he ruined everything. 

SIMPSON: Yeah. It’s true though. Nightlife really shrunk under the Giuliani administration and this real, thriving club culture just kind of went down. 

ROBERTS: I'm hoping maybe now we're going to get a second chance now that they kind of got rid of that “Footloose law.” People can dance again. 

SIMPSON: I don't know. I don't even know if people want that. 

ROBERTS: Well, I want them to. I want everyone in roller skates and to be dancing, please. 

SIMPSON: I agree but real estate is always the issue.

SIMPSON: What do you think New York needs to do to improve itself as a city? I'm getting political now.

ROBERTS: I mean, give the mom and pop businesses a break and let them thrive. That's very New York, you know? New Yorkers appreciate a good place and there's plenty of people I think that could do that. And bring back the Gaiety and Times Square. 

SIMPSON: *laughs* Ah, did you go to the Gaiety? 

ROBERTS: I did get in there a couple of times. Jack Pierson took me there one time and then I was there another time. 

SIMPSON: Oh, my god that was a riot. I went several times, I mean more than several, but it was there for a long time too. Would you explain to our viewership that might not be familiar?

ROBERTS: Well, it was a theater in Midtown. You went up these stairs and there was a ticket booth, like a show is getting put on. And you had this room with the stage and kind of these, uh, that gold glitter, backdrop glitter that they used in a lot of clubs. 

SIMPSON: Then it was a continual parade of go-go dancers. They would do one act, kind of dressed and then they would do another, completely nude. 

ROBERTS: They would come out nude with a boner at the end. 

SIMPSON: Right. I think that was appreciated most by the crowd. 

ROBERTS: Everyone had to come out with a boner and then after the show, I guess you could maybe like, you know, hang out with one of them?

SIMPSON: Yes. Well, there was that lounge where they had the punch…

ROBERTS: “Don’t drink the punch,” that’s what I heard.

SIMPSON: And they had a big contingent of guys from Montreal because you know, they have nude dancing at the clubs there. 

ROBERTS: Do you like Canadian guys?

SIMPSON: Well I’ve been to Montreal and it’s a very sexy city.

ROBERTS: You know, I'm a quarter French Canadian. 

SIMPSON: Oh, are you really? Oh my goodness. Have you ever visited Quebec? 

ROBERTS: Well, one time when I was actually touring with Margaret. 

SIMPSON: And did you feel an affinity for the land? 

ROBERTS: I felt like everyone hated me. Like I didn't fit in, but I feel like that everywhere. 

SIMPSON: Well, John…

ROBERTS: I know. No, it’s not bad... that's the pot talking. See, that's what happens. Mary Jane. She plays with ya.

SIMPSON: Oh, you smoked a little before this conversation?

ROBERTS: Yeah, of course. Didn’t you? Aren't we supposed to smoke before this? 

SIMPSON: Well, I don't know…

ROBERTS: You’re sober? 

SIMPSON: Well, it wasn't a requirement!

ROBERTS: Oh, now this is a setup. I feel like an ambush.

SIMPSON: No, John. I, like you, do get a lot of creativity from smoking pot, but I could not completely embrace the stoner lifestyle because I do find it distracting sometimes.

ROBERTS: Yeah. I can understand. Now, tell me when you're taking your gorgeous pictures, do you smoke a little bit before then or? In your gorgeous book…

SIMPSON: Oh, thank you for bringing it up. My photo book, The Drag Explosion, was all photos in the eighties and nineties. Yes, I was probably stoned for like 50% of them. ‘Cause I like smoking pot. I liked to smoke pot when I would go out to the clubs often. I did drink too, of course, but I think I drink more now, so I wasn't like, you know, a complete mess at the clubs. I think that's one of the reasons I have photos is because I was, you know, relatively sober to take them. 

ROBERTS: If you had to quit alcohol or weed, what would you do?

SIMPSON: Oh boy…

ROBERTS: *chanting* Weed or alcohol, weed or alcohol…

SIMPSON: Well…

ROBERTS: Oh, someone's got a monkey on their back, huh? 

SIMPSON: Well, I guess I would quit pot…

ROBERTS: Linda, just say you’d keep the weed, for the article, jesus...you’re talking to a bunch of potheads.

SIMPSON: Were cartoons a big influence on you when you were young?

ROBERTS: Yeah, for sure. I loved, you know, Bugs Bunny and all the classics… Tom and Jerry. Then the eighties had cool stuff like Vultron and Heman; Saturday morning cartoons. I love Heavy Metal. That movie is animated and always fun to watch late at night. There's a lot of different animators in that movie, but it's a very cool style. Animation is always fun to watch. That's why a lot of people are doing it. 

SIMPSON: I think cartoons are able to sidestep “cancel culture” a little. They can be a little bit more, you know…they can poke fun at stuff.

ROBERTS: I mean, Bob's Burgers really avoids all that stuff, in a good way, but yeah, South Park is brilliant and, you know, sick and wrong and fun to watch. 

SIMPSON: Do you interact much with your fans from Bob's Burgers?

ROBERTS: I always try to share fan art on my Instagram and we usually go to Comic-Con. Next year we'll be back. It’s nice to be in doing a panel in front of all the fans and watch them all dressed up. We have the movie coming out next year.

SIMPSON: Oh, a movie, how exciting. 

ROBERTS: Yeah, you know, it's been postponed a little bit, but it's coming out. We have really smart, sweet fans. It's kinda got like a Rocky Horror vibe at Comic-Con, when people dress up.

SIMPSON: Oh, I just listened to your Stoned in Love remix today.

ROBERTS: Oh, there is no remix to Stoned in Love… *laughs* Are you stoned?

SIMPSON: You posted something on Twitter! 

ROBERTS: That’s just the song.

SIMPSON: Well I thought it said remix. I really like the song!

ROBERTS: That's very sweet of you listening. I'm busting your balls. 

SIMPSON: Do you work with remixers?

ROBERTS: Yes, I do. I worked with...Felix da House Cat just remixed Lights Out, the song with Debbie Harry. Harry Romero remixed Freaks and that's doing really well on dance charts. 

SIMPSON: Oh, cool. 

ROBERTS: Tommy Sunshine remixed Freaks. It was gorgeous. And there's going to be a whole remix album. Are you doing any parties?

SIMPSON: I'm doing a lot of bingo. I’m very booked with virtual bingo, office events…

ROBERTS: Well, let me know. I can’t wait to be out celebrating with you.

SIMPSON: You too, John!

RETURN TO THE MAGAZINE