“My favorite album of all time is Mariah Carey’s Butterfly and it really works with weed… “

Who would be your dream person to get stoned with?

I would honestly like to get stoned with Meryl Streep because I feel like it would be equal parts giggly/stupid and explorative/real, just like her storied oeuvre. Like, that first twenty or so minutes when you’re first feeling your buzz, I would really love to watch Meryl just feel herself and do a bit looking in the mirror like, “Fuck, I am gorgeous.” Very Death Becomes Her-vibes. And I just sit there laughing and saying things like, “Yes, Meryl, you are everything! Meryl!!!” And then when it gets to a more settled, quiet, introspective stoned moment, we talk about death.

What actress would play you in a movie?

This is an interesting question with an interesting answer, depending on how stupid you are. I’m very stupid so here goes: when I look in the mirror, I see Kyle Richards from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, who does count as an actress. However, I would not entrust her with playing me. In terms of energy, I think Kate Hudson could capture what I bring. Kate Hudson in Nine playing the reporter who wants to fuck Daniel Day-Lewis and sings “Cinema Italiano” with perfect hairography was the closest I ever came to seeing myself onscreen. As Aretha said to Jennifer Hudson before she passed, “I would like her to win an Oscar for playing me.”

What’s your hanky code? Is this an outdated system?

Listen to me right now. I will wear whatever color “hanky” (wow, hate this word) goes with my look. Don’t make assumptions about what the color means. Because it *is* outdated. It *is* only about fashion for me. And if I am into you even a little bit, I will do what *any* of the colors indicate. Stop thinking. I did long ago.

My first literal kiss was 14 with my girlfriend at the time and it happened under a stoplight near my house, which was cute but felt weird. My first gay kiss was when I was 19 with my boss at a clam shack I worked at who was ten years older than me, which was inappropriate but felt incredible.

How does cannabis affect the creative mind?

One time when I was stoned on the subway I wrote a rap song in the style of the Nicki Minaj-Drake-Lil Wayne song “Only” about how when Santa leaves the North Pole all the elves get high and fuck each other and even Mrs. Claus gets involved. I think there was a line like, “you got a North Pole? I got this tight hole.” So, basically, weed makes you brilliant and a creator of art that you’ll stand by forever.

What is your favorite album to get stoned to and why?

My favorite album of all time is Mariah Carey’s Butterfly album and it really works with weed because it’s equal parts sexy, emotional and nostalgic. It takes me back and when I’m high (by myself) I feel cracked open and available for that journey back in my head. Also, her vocabulary really hits in an altered state. This was the album where I first heard the word “nonchalant” and I was like, “now, what does that mean?” And I started using it casually in third grade. My teacher, Mrs. Paciulli, thought I was brilliant. If she has turned into a queer stoner and is reading this now, I’d like to let her know I’m not. I’m just a lamb!