SHAWN’S CBD JOURNAL

I am not a chill person, categorically. I talk through television shows, I plan within an inch of planning’s life, and once during the throes of a mushroom trip, my boyfriend asked me to stop talking because my words “felt like a train” - and I agreed. Though I’m quick to co-opt a chill moment, like saying dude to a straight man or burning sage to cleanse the vibe, I often find myself falling short of the kind of effortlessness I admire in the today’s chillest figures (see: Frank Ocean, Kamala Harris’s Converse, Lily-Rose Depp)

Which is why when asked to journal my weekend trying Vona, Jonsi of Sigur Ros’ CBD line, it seemed no better an opportunity to embark on my own personal quest for chill. If Lily-Rose Depp can be chill, babe, so can I!

FRIDAY EVENING

There is no time like the present and presently, I’m standing outside a Dave N’ Busters inside the Palisades Mall. Why? Because an American mall is the most chaotic space on Earth, ergo a perfect place to put Vona and my new penchant for “absolutely not caring” to the proverbial test. My aforementioned boyfriend and I take full droppers before we go in. The liquid melts quickly and it tastes like black licorice. Something about entering a space meant for children at their most restless makes me feel like I should take another, but I don’t. 

Inside I’m unbothered by the sensory overload. It’s kind of loud and I like it. Kids rush past me and while any other day I’d try to trip them, tonight I let them roam free. I toss skeeballs and only once do I think about how many hands have touched this specific skeeball. (“At least 1000..”)  In fact, I’m so carefree, we play four rounds of skeeball, of which I win four — because my machine was the only one functioning properly. We get drinks and buy Haribo Gummy Bears with the tickets we won.

It’s the small things.

SATURDAY AFTERNOON

If last night was “play”, today has big “work” energy.  I am a conceptual photographer — yes, it reeks of pretty privilege! — and this afternoon I am photographing color gradients for a client. Cue CBD. This time, it tastes like the scent of a natural deodorant worn by the boy I dated when I was 20. I’m triggered, but not too much, if that makes sense.

I spend most of the day photographing gradients and listening to Lorde’s Solar Power. When you catch a new lyric on an album that you’ve listened to ad nauseum and it recontextualizes everything…that can be really powerful. When this happens during my Solar Power listen, I think “OK mental clarity 👀 “ and I attribute it to the CBD (and maybe a little weed too 🙃)

SUNDAY NIGHT

It’s Labor Day weekend — which means Sunday is technically Saturday — and I’m outside of Greenpoint Fish & Lobster sitting in front of a tray of 18 oysters.  Last week, as I was eating outside of another restaurant, a fellow patron saw a rat and switched tables.  Then leaving the restaurant, I hear another person say, “I saw 12 of them crawling up the walls.” I respond by declaring outdoor dining officially CANCELED and vow never to eat outside again.

But tonight is different.  Maybe it’s my lack of willpower and my need to eat at least a dozen oysters a week; maybe it’s the shot of tequila and dropper full of CBD I had before I left my apartment.  Either way, I sit outside tossing back shells like my life depends on it (it does!) and not thinking once of rats crawling up walls.  

CONCLUSION

So, did Vona help me find the perfect chill? Has anyone ever found the perfect chill? I think Shakespeare once asked that. The truth is, yes, I did find my chill but the odds I’ll ever be as vibed out as Two-Time Cesar Award nominee for Most Promising Young Actress, Lily-Rose Depp, are low. I can’t imagine a distempered Frank tripping kids at Dave N’ Busters, let alone being inside a Dave N’ Busters. And don’t even get me started on the Converse.